Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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