yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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