All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
