I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
