I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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