I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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