The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
