listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
