On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I got inside last night via doggy door
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
