i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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