Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
this will be a night to untag.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
