every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
