So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
