I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
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