My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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