Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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