my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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