I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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