wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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