i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
