Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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