OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
