Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Randomize
