Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
