You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
