i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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