...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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