im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
