There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
