People in love make me want to vomit
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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