How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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