I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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