If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Randomize
