when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
he just fucked me for my cheese..
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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