when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
