cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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