Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
