At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
