so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
