well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
