just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
