i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
