Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Randomize
