Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
