i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
