My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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