im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
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And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
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I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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