Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
