No stitches, just platelets and will power
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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