he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
