dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
