the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
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