so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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