Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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