puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
