We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
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I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
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Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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