I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Little spoons don't ask big questions
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
