btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
