so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize