So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
