yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
