handjob tips. give me some.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
These tits shall not be calmed
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
