I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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