just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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