Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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