Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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