She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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