Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
