dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I need a beard to bite.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
